With a digital mask displaying a talking mouth, I scan my body using an electric wire and jack connected to a speaker. The speaker emits sounds of gliding over the body and clothing. While conversing with the mouth, it responds back to me. Dominant words cryptically reference my authoritative father, entwined through generations dealing with inner psychological parental upbringing. Psyclope is a performance laden with personal significance, born from an interest in inner ego patterns nurtured by heritage and generational trauma.
The work delves into themes of intergenerational trauma, particularly concerning the strict upbringing traditions within my family's roots in Indonesia. Conversations with my father and late grandfather and grandmother unveiled the enduring impact of harsh discipline, even in Japanese concentration camps, illustrating a cyclical pattern persisting through generations.
The genesis of Psyclope traces back to my father's rigid upbringing and an enigmatic childhood event;
At the age of 10, I created my own god, "Saya" (translated as 'I' in Indonesian), forming a second self. Rituals involving incense, meditation, and repetitive mantras became daily practices. As the need for "Saya's" support slowly faded over the years, the performance emerged as an opportunity for further exploration of my own self in relation to my heritage and upbringing and how this manifests in my adult life.
The performance Psyclope prompted an exploration into psychoanalytic studies, investigating the formation of ego structures during early upbringing. The critical voice, a collection of lifetime experiences, often echoes my father's stern critique, feeling deeply integrated into my system. A longing for a more spiritual culture, rich in rituals and gods, contrasts with my rational and capitalist upbringing in the Netherlands. This internal conflict gained through this difficult heritage reflects in my opinion the painful and complex history of Indonesia, a former colony, rarely discussed by my grandparents due to shame, fear, and grief.
